Two Rings

Love is genuinely blind until you bump your head against the wall. It was quite a love story from how it started last year to how it ended a day ago. 

Aiyanar Resort April 2019

I was sceptical of online dating that would turn into a real-life relationship. So, I created an account in HER (sans FB for lesbians) to check out what that is. Besides, a friend of mine advised that I use it to "possibly" start dating again. Yes, I was single for about 3 - 5 years and I was totally fine with it!  Then I met May, conversation-wise she was pretty smart and we would go talk or text for a couple of hours topics about the current books that were read to our favourites. It was a good-to-know stage; we were both comfortable with one another. After 23 days, somehow feelings were starting to build up. We then decided to finally meet in person; at a cafe (a noisy one) somewhere in QC. We had a good laugh and a time well spent. 

Fast forward to a few weeks. Officially, we are now a couple! Talking about our future together and our plans. Those were good plans, things were going well not until someone from my past made a brief appearance but that is another story. My mother suddenly passed away last year. It was hard since my mother was everything to me. May was there throughout my grieving process and never left me. For that alone, I would always be grateful to her. Months have passed, and my perception of the honeymoon stage is about all the cheesy and sweet parts of it. My expectations were completely different from what has happened. Never in a month did we fight, argue and bicker. Trust me, it was getting tiresome and exhausting. 

A year passed of being together, and there was a renewed hope that things would be better. There's a saying that love is sweeter the second time around, right? But I was wrong, instead of getting better, it got worse. The arguments happened more often, as what May said "we will pause for a bit but will pick it up again.". 

We had a couple rings, you know. As a sign that we both are keepers throughout our ups and downs. She threw hers out of sheer anger towards me. Mine, on the other hand, was safely stowed away. I guess that was already a sign of a strained relationship. I don't believe in it but I guess... It really did happen. Our relationship is quite rare, not an ordinary pun intended. I know for myself that I am not a "kabit" or a "home wrecker" but I was at a point where I felt like I was one. May's relationship with her former partner was already strained ages ago and that her true sexuality was discussed as well as accepted. I appreciate the guy for letting me and May be in a relationship. Come to think of it, the setup was not a fit for me. I am certain that I was able to handle it but eventually it caused doubts. 

The two rings were a representation of our unwavering love and full trust as well as respect for one another. Those rings are meaningless accessories now, they have lost their meaning. 

I love May and she will always hold a special place in my life. But as to any failed relationships, she will just be another chapter in my life.