the glorious nosebleed - title borrowed from circa survive

again, i have this nostalgic feeling. it's like deja vu... i am now in the middle of different by ways. the never ending question of should i stay or should i go. mediocrity has now evolved to a come- what- may -attitude. I've done a lot during my stay, my travels and my food escapade. my alter ego taking too much of my life, this is not me. i haven't put priorities into perspective. i wish i was somebody else, but i can't do that. i have to live as it is. why do i stay? is it my way of thinking that " i may not fit for the job but i have the capacity to be in it" maybe i shouldn't stick to this way of thinking. 


this is affecting my health, i'm so exhausted mentally and physically. i'm dragging my feet (literally this time!) going to my routine life style. i commune more with nature, with my travels. meeting new people. finding new adventure all the time. that is who i really i am. i cannot keep up with the changing times. i am no longer the poster girl of flexibility. my constant paranoia, my pathological lying. can i just be honest with myself, just this once. but alas, the only thing that keeps me coming back is the monetary reward. I have drowned myself in the corporate whirlpool, having myself in the mercy of the capitalist pigs. 


help me now or i may never get out alive.