Changing

The heart didn't grow fonder, i thought this absence was for the better. guess what? reality bites it was quite the opposite. you seemed disappointed with the outcome, again your moving away. can't you see nobody's watching? here we are caught in this unlikely predicament for the nth time, is this how I'm supposed to feel and is there a change you need to see? it seems so clear that we both feel the jitters of what will happen next. I'm sorry to burst your bubble but nothing is what it seems. for now reasoning is futile, I'm stuck. i don't need to beg. begging was never my cup of tea and you will never see this in my vocabulary. An affair perhaps, can we conclude that confusion took everything?

How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light and these were all that I remember before you changed.


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i can't carry the sunlight on my own

on my play list:
saosin - i keep my secrets safe