Horror Scope to the New Year

Ehem…ehem…Muling inihahandog ang:
Boldyak Signs ni:
Madam Katarata
This time You won’t believe in any horrorscope shit anymore!!!

Aries
I know I have offended you quite a number of times already, but I promise to be nicer if you promise to be smarter.

Taurus
Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence.

Gemini
My child, seven words are all you need to radically improve your life, gain friends, and see the world in a whole new perspective: SAY WHAT YOU MEAN THEN SHUT UP.

Cancer
The cards tell me that you are in love right now. Stupid cards.

Leo
No matter how you resent my horoscope readings, I still know that deep inside you like me. How do I know? I can see your tail wagging.

Virgo
You’re no better than the devil’s burp. If I were you, I’d just get that insecticide and drink it all up!

Libra
Change is always good, trust me. Especially for your underwear.

Scorpio
Are you just visiting this planet? When do you plan to leave? Tell me and I’ll throw a big party for you.

Sagittarius
Horrible voice, bad breeding, vulgar manners…how do you expect anybody to get serious with you?

Capricorn
You will never be an MTV VJ

Aquarius
Hey, get your hand out of your girlfriend’s pocket.

Pisces
Well, I’m actually giving you ten more years, but you can now start practicing your would – be mantra “Salamat po, Doctor. Salamat po, Doctor. Salamat po, Doctor.”

Hopefully, by this horrorscope you’ll learn that not all stars could help you in your sick, sad and miserable world!!! Nobody can save you coz you’re pretty much useless!!! Too bad, you better change your name to Ibyang de Baclaran…this might help you…if this could make any effect in your non – existent life??? LOLZ!!!!

8.15 pm March 27, 2005