We Don't Live Here Anymore

I am writing again. I didn't realize that it had been two years since the last time I wrote about anything. Why do I always write about something that is bad in this blog? How long has it been since I had this?

So, on to my yet again sad sappy story. Do you still recall May from my previous posts? Yep, that's the one. This would be my final entry about her. I have seen the red flags since 2019 and still opted to stay. I thought that things could still be worked on between us but I guess --- it wasn't meant to be since the beginning. 

Why didn't I believe in myself back then when I was seeing all the red flags already.  Was I hoping to promise that we would work things out as partners? Even if we did, the relationship was too broken and I don't even know what was holding us back. 

May, bless her soul --- she was always the one who wants to break up every time things don't go her way. I, on the other hand, would always circle back and tell her that we can work things out. (pathetic, I know)

There would be questions that need not be answered, really. The caveat of it was it has ended. Three years from that simple swipe right and a "hi" message from a lesbian dating app. To be honest, it wasn't all that bad... toxic but it was an interesting relationship I've ever been in. I did mention before that I was attracted to how smart she was and our conversations before would go on for hours til the wee hours of the morning. I always love that side of her. 

Then also in 2019, when my mother passed away suddenly and I had no one to turn to. May was my rock during my process of grieving and it all spiralled til I got lost. Well, I think until now I am still lost -- I can't seem to know what goals are. Oh, wait -- I know what I want if that is considered a goal but I can't seem to do it. (My procrastination will be written some other time) 

The Cheater and Her New Lover

So, where was I again? Ah, the last quarter of 2019. Things were already turning sour back then but we still ended up being together despite the fact that we broke up more than twice. 2020 came by and the pandemic added to the strain of our thin-lined relationship. Until the line did break. We're still talking and acting like a couple don't get me wrong but I knew that we would be holding on to it til it's gone. 

2021, I should have just moved on and not circled back again to our pitiful relationship. Then comes G, entering the picture back in September. I cannot comprehend why May would still want me when she wants to try another relationship with someone new. To say that she would like to work things out with me is a complete bull. Because if we were or if she did, she would talk to me about it. I try to open this up with her but she would tell me to stop and move forward. 

I won't go into further details, my brain is too whacked that it only remembers now bits and pieces of what is happening. I was slowly fading away from the picture this year. She planned my birthday out of town but it was only for her own benefit which sucks. I planned for her birthday out of town, I had some fun but in totally she helped a lot in ruining that memory. I planned an out-of-town trip -- originally intended just for the two of us but she invited a friend. I didn't complain and went through with it. 

We really now ended things back in August, when I had the courage this time to ask if there is still love for me and her obvious reply was a no. I get that, I would have walked away quietly and with no resistance. But as you can see in that photo, she is now dating G from last year. Ain't that shit, right? 

All this time, they have been talking and I was the stupid person who didn't have an idea. But oh, I did.

I caught May and snooping her phone and seeing that conversation she had with G. Ain't that a bitch. So that is my story of the cheating EX.